J has had his fair share of meltdowns. Fortunately they're usually at home, with no spectators (or witnesses). However the one meltdown that went down in our history as the most epic occurred in Publix. Of course. We spend a lot of time there apparently.
On this particular day J had not behaved in the store. And because of this, by the time it was time to checkout and he learned that he would not be getting his ritual free cookie from the bakery because of his behavior, he was ripe for a big one. There I am, pregnant with E, in the middle of unloading the groceries to be checked out, with a preschooler pitching the hugest fit of his life over a cookie.
Screaming, crying, thrashing, you know what I'm talking about.
I tried to ignore, I tried threatening, I tried getting on his level and reasoning. Ha! Silly mama. He only grew more upset. "I WANT MY COOKIEEEEEEEE!!"
Trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, trying to hurry as fast as I could and get the heck out of there, trying to pretend that the whole store was not staring at this scene. Including the older woman checking out in front of me, and the cashier. Was it my imagination or were they casting judgmental looks?? I could almost read their minds: "Just give the kid a dang cookie!" They just stood there and watched. Come on ladies, haven't you ever had kids before?
I have never felt more embarrassed in my entire life. I knew my face must be flaming, and I was on the edge of exploding at my son and bursting into tears all at the same time. There was nothing I could do to escape it.
And at that moment, a sweet angel appeared in the form of another mama, with some older children in tow. She said, "Are you okay mama? Anything I can help you with?" Nothing, unless you'd like to take my kid away for a while, is what I was thinking...
"I've been there, don't worry, you're doing a good job, hang in there!"
Wow! I thanked her and was able to address the other older, slightly more judgmental ladies, a little more boldly. Even though I didn't need to, I explained why my young son was pitching a fit and why I wasn't giving in to him. I knew I should be proud of that, but all it made me feel at the moment was shame.
We left Publix that day, both emotionally exhausted from the ordeal. He kept up his fit until long after we had gotten home. When I was able to later calm down and think about what had happened, I realized two very important things.
First, although I felt like a failure that day, I wasn't. See I had two choices: Give in to my son's fit and give him what he wanted to keep him quiet and my embarrassment away, OR take the higher, harder road and stay strong so that he would learn an important lesson at his age- you aren't rewarded for bad behavior, and you cannot get what you want by throwing a fit. (We are till working on these lessons in fact)!
Second, I was so thankful for the mama who took the time to encourage me and bless me in one of the hardest parenting moments. Her kindness gave me the confidence and (almost) cancelled out the other ladies' hurtful behavior.
So fellow mamas, how will you react the next time you encounter another tired, stressed out, hands full, overwhelmed mama in the grocery store, or at the doctors office, or at the bank, or wherever? And instead of casting judgment or just saying nothing, maybe walk up and offer a helping hand. Or offer a word of encouragement. Because you know you have been there before! You will never know how much it will mean to her. Because we are all just doing our best aren't we? Trying our hardest not to screw up our kids and keep our sanity at the same time. Criticizing ourselves, and wallowing in guilt over this little thing or that. Lifting each other up instead of bringing each other down in the process will be a true test of our character.
Wouldn't have it any other way (most days)
Blessings,
Lynsey
Photos courtesy of yahoo images
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