Breastfeeding I (Not for the Faint of Heart)

Let me preface this post by issuing a warning to my father in love and brother (and anyone else squeamish about breastfeeding), that this is indeed about breastfeeding, which includes (my) breasts, FYI. Moving on.

I have been one of those mamas who have been blessed to have nursing come pretty easy for me and my little ones. We have good "breastfeeding relationships" (whatever that means), for which I am very thankful. It was never a question for me if I would choose to nurse my babies or not, my mom had nursed us and her mom nursed her babies too. It wasn't until I became a mother myself and asked my mom about how she nursed hers, I  found that she, who became a mother at a very young age in the 70s when it wasn't popular to nurse, had chosen to. I admire her for that, because I'm sure it was even harder to get support then that it is now. So for me, it was a natural choice because I knew from reading lots as a mama-to-be that is was the best thing for my baby.

I am an awe by the way the Lord designed breastfeeding. Have you ever thought about it? With amazing foresight, He created mamas to produce the best milk possible for her baby from her own body, and for it to be available as soon as baby is born. Baby is born with sucking reflex so is able to nurse immediately. Not only that, but the composition of milk and the detail with which breastfeeding happens has such complexity it's astounding. And because He is a God who loves us and fosters relationship, breastfeeding has amazing abilities to bond mama and baby together, over and over again. Wow what a gift!

All that said, not very unlike pregnancy, labor, and delivery, no one can quite prepare you for how difficult breastfeeding is. I guess it's one of those things that anything worth doing is hard? Because even though I read all the books and knew what to expect (when you're expecting), and even though you hear people say stupid things like "If you're doing it right, it won't hurt.". Okay, yeah. It does. At least in the beginning. Just think about it, a little mouth with a startlingly strong suck reflex going to town on your sore, just-delivered- a-baby nipples. How can that not hurt?! It's not all a bed of roses to be honest.

 I realize that not every mama has had the blessing of breastfeeding success that I have.
Mamas who desire with all their heart to nurse but can't for whatever reason. Mamas who don't produce enough milk and can't keep that nurse-around-the-clock baby full, mamas who have biological issues, mamas who suffer with infections continually, mamas who had a preemie and bravely pump to give that baby nourishment, mamas who have to work and be away from their babies, mamas who had to pump exclusively and finally couldn't do it anymore, mamas who were just too plain exhausted after birth and maybe suffered from postpartum depression. Mama, I see your pain. I know from stories firsthand that you feel like a failure. I know you feel that you are less than because you couldn't nurse. Hear me, it's not your fault! And I'm so sorry you did not get to experience it. I'm sure you were able to bond with your baby in other ways. And at the end of the day, you are a good mama because you did what was best for your little one.

Epic Publix Meltdown

J has had his fair share of meltdowns. Fortunately they're usually at home, with no spectators (or witnesses). However the one meltdown that went down in our history as the most epic occurred in Publix. Of course. We spend a lot of time there apparently. 

On this particular day J had not behaved in the store. And because of this, by the time it was time to checkout and he learned that he would not be getting his ritual free cookie from the bakery because of his behavior, he was ripe for a big one. There I am, pregnant with E, in the middle of unloading the groceries to be checked out, with a preschooler pitching the hugest fit of his life over a cookie. 
Screaming, crying, thrashing, you know what I'm talking about. 
I tried to ignore, I tried threatening, I tried getting on his level and reasoning. Ha! Silly mama. He only grew more upset. "I WANT MY COOKIEEEEEEEE!!"

Trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, trying to hurry as fast as I could and get the heck out of there, trying to pretend that the whole store was not staring at this scene. Including the older woman checking out in front of me, and the cashier. Was it my imagination or were they casting judgmental looks?? I could almost read their minds: "Just give the kid a dang cookie!" They just stood there and watched. Come on ladies, haven't you ever had kids before?
I have never felt more embarrassed in my entire life. I knew my face must be flaming, and I was on the edge of exploding at my son and bursting into tears all at the same time. There was nothing I could do to escape it. 

And at that moment, a sweet angel appeared in the form of another mama, with some older children in tow. She said, "Are you okay mama? Anything I can help you with?" Nothing, unless you'd like to take my kid away for a while, is what I was thinking... 
"I've been there, don't worry, you're doing a good job, hang in there!" 
Wow! I thanked her and was able to address the other older, slightly more judgmental ladies, a little more boldly. Even though I didn't need to, I explained why my young son was pitching a fit and why I wasn't giving in to him. I knew I should be proud of that, but all it made me feel at the moment was shame.

We left Publix that day, both emotionally exhausted from the ordeal. He kept up his fit until long after we had gotten home. When I was able to later calm down and think about what had happened, I realized two very important things. 
First, although I felt like a failure that day, I wasn't. See I had two choices: Give in to my son's fit and give him what he wanted to keep him quiet and my embarrassment away, OR take the higher, harder road and stay strong so that he would learn an important lesson at his age- you aren't rewarded for bad behavior, and you cannot get what you want by throwing a fit. (We are till working on these lessons in fact)! 
Second, I was so thankful for the mama who took the time to encourage me and bless me in one of the hardest parenting moments. Her kindness gave me the confidence and (almost) cancelled out the other ladies' hurtful behavior. 

So fellow mamas, how will you react the next time you encounter another tired, stressed out, hands full, overwhelmed mama in the grocery store, or at the doctors office, or at the bank, or wherever? And instead of casting judgment or just saying nothing, maybe walk up and offer a helping hand. Or offer a word of encouragement. Because you know you have been there before! You will never know how much it will mean to her. Because we are all just doing our best aren't we? Trying our hardest not to screw up our kids and keep our sanity at the same time. Criticizing ourselves, and wallowing in guilt over this little thing or that. Lifting each other up instead of bringing each other down in the process will be a true test of our character. 

Wouldn't have it any other way (most days)
Blessings, 
Lynsey



Photos courtesy of yahoo images